Day 3; Hour 60

I woke up this morning feeling a slight weakness throughout my body. It’s noon now, and physically I feel close to how I normally would. I haven’t felt any aches or hunger pains yet. I’ve only felt a slight weakness in my thighs, but that feeling has subsided.

I’m in a good place right now. Psychologically, I am feeling much better about myself. I intentionally think about some of the decisions I’ve made in the past. Even though things didn’t turn out as I would have liked, and felt like it was all my fault, the negative feelings associated with those decisions are not having an impact on my well-being. The outcomes are what they are, and I choose to accept them and move on.

It’s this state of being that I enjoy being in. It makes life easier to bear. It makes dealing with my own issues and thoughts that much easier to overcome. It makes everything I do more enjoyable. It helps me to recognize the fun and the good in every moment that I experience. At the same time, it helps me combat my environment in terms of negativity.

Not everything is good in the world, and sometimes people just aren’t in the mood. I certainly understand this, and I am guilty of showing my off putting behavior. Sometimes I can’t help it. When my mind is so entrenched between my ears, it’s difficult for me to snap out of it and pay attention to the people around me.

This process makes me a better person. It improves my state of well-being in all aspects, both physically and psychologically. Even with the short amount of time, my well-being begins to improve well within the first 2 days. The beneficial effects come more quickly nowadays because I have had experience doing this for about 3 years. During my second year of practice, it would take upwards of 5 or 6 days to feel as good as I do now. My body has grown used to it.

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I started carrying my stainless steel water bottle with me. It says “contigo” on it. In Spanish, it means “with you.”

Day 2; Hour 48

It’s been 48 hours now. I am only just beginning to experience that empty stomach feeling. Surprisingly, no hunger pains yet. Physically, I still feel normal. I still feel like I have the energy to do what I need to. I haven’t been lightheaded at all moving around today. Psychologically, I feel calm and at ease. I’m wondering what I have that I could complain about, and I can’t think of anything. I really have nothing to complain about, but my mind likes to play games with me.

It’s been fairly easy these past 48 hours. My mind hasn’t thought about food at all. I could eat, but I won’t, simply because I don’t feel the need to. More often than not, I eat because I desire to, not because I need to.

Food, and its ease of access, is a dangerous thing for me. For more than 15 years I’ve gotten comfortable living a certain way, and as a result my health was beginning to deteriorate in my early 20’s. Making the transition towards becoming a vegan was only natural, and fasting is a good way for me to maintain self-control. This applies not only to what I choose to eat and how much, but it also applies to every other aspect of my life.

 

 

Day 2; Hour 36

It’s been 36 hours now since I’ve consumed food or water. I haven’t had any hunger pains thus far. Physically, I feel perfectly fine. I feel that I have plenty of energy to go about my day as normal. Psychologically, I’m feeling better and more at ease than I have been over the past 4 to 5 days. I just feel calm. I can’t describe it any other way.

I cannot recall what exactly led me to fasting. Whenever I was dealing with myself or something stressful, I would fast to make my days easier to bear. Fasting makes me feel good. It slows me down and puts me in a positive state of mind.

Nobody that I know or have met agrees with what I do to myself, but it’s something I enjoy doing. It puts me in a more natural state of being. By this, I mean a state of being without the thoughts and distractions that plague my mind which ultimately reduce my quality of life. I’ve experienced a better version of myself 2 years ago after fasting for 200 hours. It all seemed unreal, but the state of being I achieved at the time improved my well-being dramatically.

Fasting has been the only thing that has ever truly given me the comfort and confidence to move forward in life. It makes me smile, it puts me in a good mood, and it allows me to find joy in everything I do. It’s only day 2, and 36 hours is not enough time to truly experience what I’ve felt in the past. What I described will only intensify as time progresses, and only if I can find the will and strength to push myself moving forward.

Day 1; Hour 21

It’s been a good evening. I received a gift today. It’s the first time anyone has ever made me a gift. On the surface it may not seem like much, but the simple act of someone taking the time out of their day to make this, for me, means much more than anyone will understand.

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In the past, I’ve always put the time into the people I cared about. I put in the time because I wanted to, not because I ever felt I had to. Looking back at things now, I believe that I gave too much of myself. I gave myself over because I wanted to, and because I wanted to, it really required no effort on my part. It was easy, but overtime, I wasn’t feeling like I was being reciprocated with.

I didn’t want anything except to be acknowledged for my efforts, and to believe that someone actually cared about me for a change. I didn’t think much of it during those years, but thinking about it now, it seemed very one sided. I was having so much fun, that I was blind to all of the little things stacking up against me. Needless to say, I had to move on. My psychological and emotional self took much more of a beating than I could handle, and in the end, I had to call it quits.

I’ve often heard that one should never give up, but I have my limits, and everyone does. Depending on how I look at things, I could say that I was selfish about my decisions, but to that I say, I’m human, and I’m imperfect. I should have been more aware of things from the very beginning, but now I know what to look for in the future.

It’s been 22 hours since I’ve last consumed food or water. Despite me reflecting on the negatives of my past, I am beginning to feel better. By the end of 72 hours, I’ll feel right as rain.

Day 1; Hour 12

I was never a breakfast in the morning kind of person. Skipping a meal until lunch never bothers me. I feel as normal as any other day, minus the desire to eat.

I’ve always loved food, and at the same time, I’ve always disliked it. Ten years ago, around the age of 16, I was able to eat what I wanted, whenever I wanted, with no noticeable side effects. As the years progressed, I began to notice how physically ill I would become after eating a meal. I won’t drag this out. Long story short, animal-based and artificial products were the reason why I began feeling physically ill. I speak only for myself, and this comes from what I’ve experienced.

Over the last 2 to 3 years, I have been making the transition towards a vegan diet. I’ve made a lot of progress this year in terms of completely letting go of my desires to eat animal-based foods and other junk. To be completely honest, it makes me a little sick just thinking about what I had been doing to myself for so many years. It’s not so much what I was consuming that bothered me, but rather how physically ill it made me afterwards that did. The after-effects progressively worsened as I got older, and at one point I said to myself that enough was enough. Having even just one meal out of the week that contained an animal-based product would leave me feeling ill into the next day and night.

I knew that my health was diminishing due to what I had been consuming, and this is the reason why I choose to be vegan. My body cannot tolerate most foods like it used to, and the satisfaction that I get from eating, what is presumably tasty, is not worth the physical illness. I am glad that I was aware enough to notice and research that the food I had been consuming was the cause of my discomfort.

With a vegan diet, all of my discomfort went away. I felt better and I was happier. I could eat 2 pounds of rice and vegetables and feel completely fine afterwards. On the other hand, eating any amount of an animal-based product would make me feel ill, and the effects would linger into the next day. Again, I speak only for myself and out of my own experience of what I’ve personally gone through and noticed. Animal-based foods and artificial products are not good for my physical and psychological well-being.

It’s been 13 hours thus far. I feel completely fine transitioning into the afternoon without the consumption of food or water. I’ve been here many times before and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. It’s just another day.

 

Day 0; Hour 0

I’ve gone through everything I own multiple times this evening. I don’t believe that I can get rid of anything more. Everything I currently own has a purpose, and I use all of it. I use all of my journals, I use my inks and pens for calligraphy, and I use my electronics and equipment to play and record music. I have my photo album of my family, my collection of amethyst, my statues representing my culture, my guitar, my clothes, I don’t believe I can get rid of anything more. Everything I have serves a purpose, and I cannot bring myself to let go of anything I have left. The only way for me to be rid of anything else is if I were to give my belongings to someone else. I would be okay with this only if I knew that that person would take care of whatever it is I gave to them. IMG_3990[1]

Every once in a while, I go through a few days of bringing myself down. These past few days were that time. I’ve made some decisions in the past that I’m not happy about, and so the negative feelings associated with the past just beat me down. It’s very difficult for me to get through. It’s a time where I just want to be left alone to think and focus on what I’m doing with myself. I like people, but I prefer not to be around anyone while I am in this state of mind. When I am in this state of mind, I can be very off putting, and I’m well aware of it. It’s not intentional, but it can’t be helped. I can put my issues aside if I have someone or something that needs my attention, however, as soon as I’m left alone, my mind takes over and draws me inward.

I know how to get better, that’s the important thing. Fasting is a simple solution and it has done more for me than I thought possible, but it requires a lot of human effort to get through. The only challenge is maintaining the heightened sense of well-being post-fast. This is where I struggle with it. In these times, for a few a days, when I’m battling myself psychologically, it makes it that much harder to want to proceed, with anything. As hard as it may be, I still know how to get better. Everything I need is here. The only constraint is the will to push beyond my comfort zone.

When I have nothing to keep me occupied, I’m constantly battling myself. It’s rather disappointing that this is what is concerning to me when there are millions of others in far worse situations. Thinking about how hard others may have it, makes my situation much less significant, and it is.

I remember a few years ago, during the middle of a semester, the hard drive on my school laptop died with no way to recover any of my data. I had 2-3 years of schoolwork, photos, projects and information all saved on that one hard drive. I was upset, but only for about an hour. Within that hour I thought to myself that losing everything I had on that hard drive does not compare to a family losing their home in a fire. As soon as I thought about that, my situation became insignificant. I immediately got to work on reworking papers and projects for that semester.

Sometimes I just need to remind myself that my situations don’t matter. It could be far worse.

The Last Few Days

Over the last few days, I’ve been going through all of my belongings. Every 6 months or so, I take the time to go through everything that I own. I’d like to keep as little as possible, but as I be rid of my belongings, it becomes more difficult to let go of certain things. I don’t need some of the materials I own, but in my mind, I want to keep them because they are one of a kind, and I will never be able to acquire them ever again. Photos, theater tickets, cards, special gifts, those are the things I hold onto because they have meaning behind them. Everything else, I could do without.

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There is nothing wrong with obtaining material things, but most of it doesn’t do anything for me. Owning things or having more money doesn’t make me a better person, it doesn’t satisfy or make me any happier. Things are nice to have, but the joy of having something new quickly wears off after a short while. At the end of the day, none of it will leave me feeling satisfied in any way. It’s one of the reasons why I choose to go through this process and be rid of what I can.

Money is necessary. Its needed to keep a roof over my head, to be able to purchase food, and other essentials, but it has never been and never will be the most important thing to strive for. It’s only a tool.

I have money. I can purchase things If I wanted and be okay, but I choose not to spend needlessly because there’s nothing I want. I will admit and say that I’ve made a few unnecessary purchases here and there over the last few years, and much more so when I was in my teens. I’m not 100% guilt-free of buying needlessly, but I’m aware of it enough to the point where I will continue to be self-critical about the things I purchase and question myself, is this something I really need? The answer will be no, every time.

I don’t know what I am trying to get at, but hopefully I will be able to cut down on what I currently own. It does become more difficult each time I go through through this process.