There are so many questions that I have about life, about myself, and about the world that we all live in. My intent is to share my thoughts to those who think and reflect in similar ways as I do. Also, to connect and share what experiences we’ve had throughout our lives that have helped to make us better human beings.
For the last three years, I have had an intense desire to understand myself and the world around me. There are several questions that I have asked myself over, and over again. What does it mean to be a human being? How can I become a better human being? What is the purpose of life? What is my purpose in life? What is love? What is happiness? Why do I experience emotional pain and suffering? What is the cause? How can I achieve the best version of myself? What sacrifices or changes do I need to make? There are so many more questions that I ask myself that will come out over time as I continue to write.
A few days ago, I had a sleepless night. I thought about the mistakes that I have made involving the two most important persons in my life. To make things short, I ended up hurting them both which ultimately led me to my own pain and suffering. Since then, I have frequently wondered why things didn’t turn out the way I expected, but I already knew why. It was because I wanted too much. I wanted more for myself than I wanted for them. I wanted companionship, someone to share my thoughts with, to share experiences with, to learn and live life together. It made me happy, at least that is what I thought. Things were great at their peak, and things were also not so great at their lowest. Whatever side of the spectrum we were on at the time, I thought only of myself and I what I wanted. I never even bothered to ask what they wanted. In the end, my own self-interests caused us all pain and suffering, and it was nobody else’s fault except my own.
How much is too much? I don’t know the answer. All I know is that these experiences has led me down a path to understand myself better. To understand my strengths, my weaknesses, and what I need to do to become a better human being for those around me. Life is not about me and what I want, not anymore. At this point in time, life is about doing what is best for the sake of others. I do what I can now to remain self-aware in that the actions I take are not for the purpose of self-gain. Looking back at every action I’ve made out of my own self-interest has always led me to some form of pain and suffering. There is no lying in that I still want all of the meaningful things in life, but it’s become clear that a lot of what I’ve ever wanted has led to pain and suffering for everyone involved. Sometimes I wish I could take it all back, but then what lessons will I have learned if it never happened?
I turn 26 on the 20th this month. I’m still young and I have so much more to learn. Making mistakes is a part of life, and facing myself on daily basis is a constant challenge. My intent is to share my own thoughts and experiences with anyone reading this, and to know of your own experiences and learning outcomes. Whatever my post has made you think about, I’d like to know about it.
Thanks for reading. Until next time.