It’s been a good evening. I received a gift today. It’s the first time anyone has ever made me a gift. On the surface it may not seem like much, but the simple act of someone taking the time out of their day to make this, for me, means much more than anyone will understand.
In the past, I’ve always put the time into the people I cared about. I put in the time because I wanted to, not because I ever felt I had to. Looking back at things now, I believe that I gave too much of myself. I gave myself over because I wanted to, and because I wanted to, it really required no effort on my part. It was easy, but overtime, I wasn’t feeling like I was being reciprocated with.
I didn’t want anything except to be acknowledged for my efforts, and to believe that someone actually cared about me for a change. I didn’t think much of it during those years, but thinking about it now, it seemed very one sided. I was having so much fun, that I was blind to all of the little things stacking up against me. Needless to say, I had to move on. My psychological and emotional self took much more of a beating than I could handle, and in the end, I had to call it quits.
I’ve often heard that one should never give up, but I have my limits, and everyone does. Depending on how I look at things, I could say that I was selfish about my decisions, but to that I say, I’m human, and I’m imperfect. I should have been more aware of things from the very beginning, but now I know what to look for in the future.
It’s been 22 hours since I’ve last consumed food or water. Despite me reflecting on the negatives of my past, I am beginning to feel better. By the end of 72 hours, I’ll feel right as rain.